it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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