The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
