I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
