i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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