YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
