yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
