I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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