The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
