listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
