would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My vagina is officially offended.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
