Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
