You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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