Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
