TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
