The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
