he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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