please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
