So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
