there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
