whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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