omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
