My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
