The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
