Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone came in the potted fern
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
