Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
