96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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