I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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