I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
