3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Green mimosas i think yes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
