sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize