Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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