How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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