Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
