i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
