i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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