yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
