On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
