How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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