Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
