I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
