Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
we should paint friendship bongs
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