you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
