One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
