when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
