i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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