I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
