You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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