if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
