I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
