Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
last night I used snow as a chaser
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
