I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
