Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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