Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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