i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
