I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
