do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
