dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
someone owes me an orgasm
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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