Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
