so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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