Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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