The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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