I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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