sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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