we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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