oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're like the curious george of whores
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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