I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
