Ketchup is God's man juice
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i want to swaddle you in tequila
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
