Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
