I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
