Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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