It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
