You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
