Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
