the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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