i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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