Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
