So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
